Why "I Am Sorry" Is Never Enough

“I am sorry”, a very powerful phrase that can send chills down one’s spine, but in recent times has turned out to be one overused cliché that has lost its actual meaning.

Most times when we get hurt by someone, as soothing as the word "I’m sorry" can be, could later turn out to be very appalling and inconsequential at that moment leaving no effects on our emotion. Not because saying these magical words is bad, but because you are tired of keeping up with their usual shenanigans without any change of attitude in sight.

A lot of people feel when they have said I am sorry for offenses they committed, that is all they have to do without necessarily doing the needful by ensuring that what led to the fallout won't ever occur again. 

Let me make it clear to you, that an apology is only the start of a repair process for a damaged connection. It is always good to say sorry backed up with actions.

You need to show how empathic you are, express genuine regret, make genuine promises, tender heartfelt apologies, be remorseful, exhibit a demeanor that shows that you are, etc. 

“The art of a sincere and heartfelt apology is one of the greatest skills you will ever learn ” — Jeanette LeBlanc

Most times when someone apologizes for things they will never stop doing, such apology irks so bad that walking away becomes the only option. Don't get me wrong, apologies are great, but they don't really change anything. You know what does? Action and a Change of attitude.

I put it to you that an apology without a changed attitude is just manipulation. This goes to say that apologies will never make sense without a change of attitude. A change of attitude goes a long way when saying I am sorry because it will make no sense to keep going back and forth about what you said you were sorry for.

If you are genuinely sorry for what you committed then you should desist from such scenarios that make you apologize always. However, you need to be wary of people who justify bad behavior with apologies. For them it is a means to an end and often quite at your expense.

According to Randy Pausch, he stated that a proper apology has three parts;

- What did I do wrong?

- I feel bad that I hurt you

- How do I make it up to you?

But notwithstanding, here is my sincere approach to help you on how to apologize.

1.) Admit that you are wrong

This to me should be the first approach when apologizing especially when it is obvious that you were the one at fault. Admitting that you are wrong has a way of dousing one’s rage.

When doing this, avoid saying words like “but you know you can be annoying at times” No! This still shows that you exhibit somewhat kind of pride and that is not an ideal thing to say at that moment.

"If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit the same mistake again they just apologized for" - Amit Kalantri

2.) Offer to make amends

Let them get your assurance that you are not going to repeat what led to the fallout again. Also, you should make genuine promises to turn a new leaf.

If you said an offensive word, try to retract it and replace it with something positive. If you damaged something, try to replace it with a new one. This goes a long way to show that you really what to make amends.

3.) Promise to change

Like I stated earlier, an apology is never complete without a change of attitude. Put conscious effort to change your attitude for the better to convince them that you are sorry for what you did.

Apologies are not meant to change the past, they are meant to change the future.

After all these, never at any point think of apologizing as losing. You need to drop the chip off your shoulder and be the bigger person at this moment. This gesture portrays that you value the relationship more than your ego.

When apologizing, it is always advisable to keep your demeanor in good check, I.e Pay attention to your body language so you don't look apathetic, instead make a conscious effort to look sorry and avoid using sarcasm when apologizing because it has a way of making you look unserious.

Avoid using such words like “but you overreacted”, “you always take things overboard”, this is a big turnoff you know. We all have different temperaments and the way we react to things, you must learn to understand that.

Even though you have apologized, don’t live with this misconception that since you have apologized they have to forgive you immediately. This is sometimes impossible!

A lot of people feel when they have apologized there should be instant forgiveness, which is not always ideal. Rather, give them time to ease off their feelings and react to your apology when they deem it fit.

However, in all that we do, let’s learn to value each other's feelings. You have to think before you act or talk. Conflict might not be inevitable, but when it arises, use your discretion to avoid saying or doing certain things so as not to escalate even minute issues.

But in a case where you err, always make a conscious effort to back your apologies with actions, we will see that our apologies will always have a positive effect. The world will indeed be a better place if all these and more are put into practice.

Love ❤️ and light💡 .